Somewhere between grr and apathy

My mother and I have different values on what I should do with my time, although not as different as she seems to think.

I like to play on the internet a lot, yes, but I do actually get bored and want to go do other things. It’s just that when she’s annoyed, she claims that I don’t do anything other than play on the internet.

Now at the time this is kind of true, I’ll allow that, but I have stood up to take the initiative on some things now. For the most part, I’ve started waking up and getting up early enough to shower and get myself prepared for the day before I’m leaving on a walk. I have stopped the dog accidents again. I have discovered a looping walk that I like, that’s also long enough to wear out the dogs without wearing out me. I learned that my voice is well developed enough that I can hit a high b-flat note on key, if I warm my voice up suitably throughout the day.

I just don’t like doing the algebra. I wish I didn’t have to. I understand how to use it enough to get me through life already, so I don’t feel like I need the assistance of the book any longer. Of course, this is not an option, so I simply resist in the only way I can: petty silences, being annoyed, and putting it off.

I like reading, I like studying science and history, and I like learning new things. I don’t like having my education decided on the merits of an assumption that I will want to go on to do something big or powerful with my life.

I don’t want to be big in this world. I just want to be happy. And even if happiness means working a job that isn’t glamorous, and sometimes seems worse than it is, and living in an apartment where I don’t always have the time to do the things I enjoy even if I schedule time for them, and going out with my friends sometimes, and having kitties to cuddle in my lonely bed, that’s my life. That’s my choice.

And I don’t think that I need a thousand brilliant ideas and dreams from someone else to get there.

Also I apologize for any wayward spelling errors. Whereas the last computer I used had British English spellchecker enabled on Firefox, this one has none.