I haven’t been keeping up with my homework, or my housework, or my blogging, or much of anything recently.
Often this turns out to destroy my relationships with my family, since they will scream at me for not doing anything, and I’ll yell right back and everyone walks away with hurt feelings because I screw up with people so much.
But even though I don’t like doing the homework, and I don’t find appreciation in doing the housework, and blogging is very often dull, I need to do them.
Or else I run into days like today.
Today, I was actually having a decent day, working with my brother to make sure he did his studying, and learning, and didn’t just use my brain so he didn’t have to work his, and I was taking good care of the dogs, and being a generally cheerful person.
And then I started crying. Not just little tears, the kind easily suppressed, but great gasping sobs that went on and on and I couldn’t stop.
It was miserable. I was miserable, and I wasn’t able to find the sunlight, even though I could see it.
When I’m in that state, anything can seem reasonable as long as it takes the hurt away, whether it’s hugs or a blade. I hate that side of me, so much.
I’m coming out of the darkness now, but I can still feel the pain, the rawness of it. And I know that something needs to change or else I’ll break and never heal.
I could listen to this song a thousand times and never grow tired of it. It, along with Andromeda, pulled me back out.